. . . . .

what goes up must come down...
thats what im learning.



so much for the always being happy thing.
i think for the first time ever,
im depressed.


like honest to goodness, depressed.
im tired.
my body hurts.
i cant muster the energy to smile.
eat.
laugh.
do anything really.



the other day, i decided to make some changes.
i think i realized too late.
i think ive already messed things up.
but sad thing is, i dont know exactly what did it.

i need help.
i need someone to talk to,
but the one person who i would call right now for help,
is packing to get on a plane tomorrow to go to Argentina,
then Uruguay for two years.
ill be without his guidance,
his laughter.
god im going to miss him
i mean, ill still talk to him sometimes,
we'll write.
but its different. i cant imagine not hearing his laughter over the phone
hearing his comforting words.

i know he is going into the world to better it.
to make a life for people.
to help people.
he is doing an AMAZING thing.
as he should, he's an amazing person.
im just being selfish cause i can't imagine not seeing him for two years.

good luck best friend. i love you.
i'll see you in two years. :)


but two years is too long to wait for help with what im dealing with right now.
i need someone else to talk to.
but i cant find the courage to talk to anyone else.
i dont wanna be a burden on any one elses lives.
because i feel like i would be if i called and ask for them to listen.
with ilo, i never felt that way.
i need someone like him.



someone help me, i feel like im drowning.