this weekend has been exhausting.
the most exhausting since ive been here.
and most confusing.
friday night was absolutely amazing
so much fun, so great to just let go.
friends are great, the ones who held their liquor at least.
i hate taking care of irresponisble decisions.
dancing with david.
great dancer.
thought he was into me.
was i into him?
should i be into him?
or wait even better CAN i be into him?
is it fair to be into him?
accoriding to the conversation it should be okay.
then why do i feel like a bitch?
saturday....
seeing the family!!
wow i missed them.
andrew was mad at me.
wouldnt talk to me the first.
finally warmed up.
gave me the cute baby open mouth kisses...
i love those...
angelina wasnt even phased by the distance between us
acted as if i'd never left.
can't tell if that upset me or not
mmm abuela made mole
soooo good to have real food again.
sunday
mmm real food again..
eggs and beans for breakfast.
dining hall food is lame
dads birthday party
he got emotional with the card i gave him
i saw him in a new light
still wishing i could see the rest of the people i left behind.
selfish i know.
heidichrisaudreyilogregtravisbryan
i miss you guys more than you know, or probally expect.
but my biggest struggle this weekend is defining lines from a relationship from home
we agreed nothing is exlcusive
but our emotions basically dont allow that
but i still was interested
what would you think of me?
would you be angry?
or would you be how i expect?
saying its okay, it was bound to happen, we knew it would happen..
how do i want you to react?
if youre angry then in a sense i know you care.
but if youre angry, that means youre not who you used to be.
if you let me go, saying we knew this would happen,
i would feel as if i never really mattered.
but then i know that i did.
oh mann...
28 September 2008
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