PMS

ugh i hate it./
makes me emotional for no reason.

like seriously today i got all upset and hurt over text messages.
can you say L A M E?

and the worst part about it is,
i know im overreacting.
but i
dont
give
a
shit.


i want everything i say to be right
everyone to love me
and no one question anything about that.


its sad.
i need pills
to keep this rampant monster undercontrol.


and on top of all this emotional crap:
bloating
fatigue
aches
and skin problems.

why,really WHY, does this have to happen?

hmm.

this weekend has been exhausting.


the most exhausting since ive been here.
and most confusing.

friday night was absolutely amazing
so much fun, so great to just let go.
friends are great, the ones who held their liquor at least.
i hate taking care of irresponisble decisions.

dancing with david.
great dancer.
thought he was into me.
was i into him?
should i be into him?
or wait even better CAN i be into him?
is it fair to be into him?
accoriding to the conversation it should be okay.
then why do i feel like a bitch?

saturday....
seeing the family!!
wow i missed them.
andrew was mad at me.
wouldnt talk to me the first.
finally warmed up.
gave me the cute baby open mouth kisses...
i love those...

angelina wasnt even phased by the distance between us
acted as if i'd never left.
can't tell if that upset me or not

mmm abuela made mole
soooo good to have real food again.

sunday
mmm real food again..
eggs and beans for breakfast.
dining hall food is lame

dads birthday party
he got emotional with the card i gave him
i saw him in a new light

still wishing i could see the rest of the people i left behind.
selfish i know.

heidichrisaudreyilogregtravisbryan
i miss you guys more than you know, or probally expect.

but my biggest struggle this weekend is defining lines from a relationship from home
we agreed nothing is exlcusive
but our emotions basically dont allow that

but i still was interested
what would you think of me?
would you be angry?
or would you be how i expect?
saying its okay, it was bound to happen, we knew it would happen..

how do i want you to react?
if youre angry then in a sense i know you care.
but if youre angry, that means youre not who you used to be.

if you let me go, saying we knew this would happen,
i would feel as if i never really mattered.
but then i know that i did.

oh mann...

everything..

has been such a roller coaster here...
but its soo much fun.


last night by far was the biggest roller coaster though..
went to the ski/snowboard club party...


wow.
i met sooo many people.. it was awesome.

saw a friend...drunk beyond anything..
with some random guy.

party got busted around quarter to ten


waited in the street till the group met up.
couldnt find 3 friends
two turned up at the 'first bus stop' whatever the hell that meant


another didnt show up till about 3 o clock today.
omg everyone was freaking out. couldnt call her cause she lost her cell.
couldnt call the guy cause we didnt know who he was.

o man.

but overall a good night


cant wait for another night like that.

thanks alissa elissa paul joey steven dave maya maekin casey patrick
first college party ever.
it rocked.

so far

things have been great.
meeting new people.
trying new things.
learning about different things. (class hasnt even started)


and while this is all going on, my thougths still wander to those back home.
-how are you
-do you miss me
-will things be the same when i get back

things here are so much fun
-trying to find parties and always ending up doing something else
-meeting the "watermelons"
-taco bell runs at nearly one in the morning

i miss you all and hope you still think of me cause i think of you always.
i seem to compare constantly.